God's blind spots: A pastoral sigh
as your Cardinal Vigo, shepherd with a heavy heart and even heavier regalia, I must say a few words about this – ahem – misunderstanding about our holy church. “God’s blind spots”? Oh, how dramatic that sounds! As if the Almighty ever blinks. No, no, if anyone here is looking the other way, it’s only to maintain harmony in our community. Allegations of abuse? Of course, a few regrettable slip-ups, but let’s not condemn the entire flock for the stumbling of individual lambs!
You see, in Eichstätt, Bamberg or – God forbid – across the ocean in the US and Belgium, there may have been a few priests who were… shall we say, overzealous in their charity. But what do we do? We act pastorally! These souls are gently transferred, perhaps to Africa or South America, where they can do penance in new climes. Prosecution? Oh, we’d better leave that to God, who judges more justly than any secular judge anyway. Oliver O’Grady, this wandering servant? A man with a travel bug, nothing more – his changes of location were just an expression of apostolic zeal!
Thank God! Just Isolated Incidents:
And these “cover-up” rumors – how hurtful! We only encrypt names and addresses to protect the privacy of our brothers. After all, data protection is also a Christian value! Our prevention programs? A true marvel! We print brochures, hold seminars, and when a victim complains, we generously put a few coins in the reconciliation ring bag.
Damage to our image? Not at all, that’s soul care! If we make investigations a tiny bit more difficult, then only to protect the church – this rock in the surf – from unnecessary storms.
I ask you, dear flock: Why this doubt about our moral authority? Our male-dominated structure is not a flaw, but a divine design! Women? Oh, they have enough to do with Marian devotion. And when we raise tax money and donations, it’s only to light candles for your souls, not to hide files. A contradiction between our halo and the headlines? Ridiculous! It’s just a test of our faith.
So let us pray, as Rammstein so beautifully puts it:
“When the tower clock strikes twice, he folds his hands in prayer.”
Ignore the headlines, fold your hands with me, and trust that the Lord – and his faithful cardinals – will sort it all out.
The victims? They carry their cross, as we all do. And now, dear flock, let us move on – the next service awaits, and the incense is not getting any cheaper!
Yours sincerely
Cardinal Vigo
